Blame
by for you to notice
Summary: Brooke brings her box of letters to Lucas, but he lets her walk away. But he still can't resist Brooke or the question of what if.
1. Chapter 1

_This gets pretty dirty, so put the kids to bed. Slightly AU._

_Dear Lucas,_

_His name was Kenny. Brown hair, almost green eyes. And I don't even know why you'd even care what he looked like, and I don't want to know why I find it necessary to tell you at all. Some twisted form of guilt, or something. I didn't let him kiss me. Some pathetic way of trying to keep the pressure of your goodbye kiss on my lips. Or something._

_I saw this girl the other day with dark hair and dark eyes and too much makeup. She made me think of Nikki, which made me think of you instead of Peyton. It shouldn't have made me feel better that Peyton wasn't enough, because I wasn't either. I guess for the past year, I've been looking for an assurance that no girl is truly good enough for you._

_Love,_

_Brooke_

Lucas thumbed the fifth note he gotten through that night. His anger was twinkling with the guilt he felt for reading something that seemed so personal. He closed his eyes once more, trying to picture what would have happened if he had chased Brooke as she ran out the way he knew she wanted him to. She said she was afraid, but she couldn't be as scared as he was. She was Brooke; she always could get him to break the rules, and it wasn't fair. She had caught him at a bad time, and he had hurt her; but she continued to wrench at his heart for over a year. She didn't have the _right_ to say she was afraid, because she was strong and she knew how to get what she wanted. Lucas wasn't ready to fall for tears.

He heard the second knock at his door, and he knew Brooke couldn't be inside his house, but he'd had enough unwelcome visitors to be able to actually open the door. The knock came louder, and he groaned.

"Yeah?"

"Lucas Scott, you do not have the right to use that tone of voice."

He could hear the crossing of her arms in her voice, so he gave in.

"It's open, Mom."

The lack of movement behind the door caused his feet to move, and his hand to reach the doorknob.

"Yes, Mother, what can I do for you?"

Karen uncrossed her arms and walked in past him. "You lose one election, and people lose all this respect for you."

"Something wrong, Mom? I would've voted for you."

"You're sweet. Nothing's wrong except hell engulfing the naïve city of Tree Hill. For me anyways. What's with you and the attitude?"

"Nothing."

"Lucas..."

"It's really nothing, Mom. I'm fine."

"Fine. So you wouldn't mind washing the dishes before you go to bed?" Karen through a sponge at him. "Washer's broke. Thanks."

"Mom, that's not fair."

"What's not fair is my own flesh and blood not talking to me. Scrub away."

Brooke woke up the next morning with her cheeks still sticky. Rejection twice in one day didn't agree with her. The vacancy of Haley's bed just made it worse in its declaration that Haley had had a much better night than Brooke had. Her hair was dirty, but a shower didn't sound any more appealing. The buzz of the front door alarmed Brooke enough to get her to roll over, but any more of a response wasn't likely. The buzz came again, but nothing more. She pulled the covers over her head, when her bedside table starting shaking. Brooke peeked out from her fortress to watch her cell phone move for a bit, before deciding it wasn't too much to pick it up.

"Hello."

"Open the door."

The voice on the other end made Brooke sit straight up and look in a mirror before running her fingers frantically through her hair. She pulled up all the loose ends up into a pony tail and ran into the front hall. She opened the door to a Lucas Scott who looked much better than she did. He walked in without an introduction, sitting on the back of the couch. She closed the door and slowly walked over to stand in front of him. He stared straight ahead into her stomach for nearly a minute before looking up into her bleary eyes. Brooke was too afraid to break his gaze that she could only barely feel his hand on her waist, but when the other came up to touch her neck, she reacted. Lucas bent her neck until her lips reached his. Slowly, he moved his mouth over hers, using his other hand to pull her in closer to him. Brooke could feel the heat from him more and more until it was nearly unbearable, and he had pulled her so far that they toppled together over onto the couch.

Brooke didn't want to put too much thought into it, because he wasn't yelling at her. So even when he reached up to the back of her head and pulled out her hair from the elastic, she didn't say anything. She kept her tongue in his mouth as he sat up, bending her backwards, and pulled off his shirt over his head. His mouth broke from hers and landed on her collarbone, thumbing through her greasy hair that she was suddenly aware of. She desperately wanted to turn them over, so if he left her, she wouldn't fall onto the floor, but Lucas didn't seem to be going anywhere. His hands left her hair and reached the back of her shirt instead. With the same fluidity, he slipped her tank top over her head, and slid his hands up her bare back.

His lips were stuck onto her shoulder, the arc of his head letting her see the back of the chain around his neck. She recognized the clasp as the one she'd given him in the baskets she'd left him after he'd broken up with her.

"Luke..."

He fell back onto the couch and shook his head, making contact with her mouth again in an attempt to keep her from speaking. He arched her back with his hand, making his mouth rise with hers. With movement steadier than anything she could dream of mustering, he reached down and pulled on her sweatpants. She couldn't imagine stopping him, so she instead accepted it, kissing him back for the first real time that morning. She allowed her weight to fall against him, the tension between her skin on his skin building. Carefully, she moved down his chest, letting her nails glide down his chest. She went all the way down to his knees, her fingers pausing slightly at the waistband of his jeans as she sat up. She let the drawstring come undone and the elastic of her pants to fall off her hips until she could kick them off completely. Lucas watched her with a blank expression, reaching up to caress the skin above her hip. He pulled her back down, making her fall ungracefully against him. His hands could slip easily farther, over the thin fabric of her underwear, underneath her ass, when he pulled her up even farther against him, goosebumps showing up on his arm. His chest remained smooth against hers, and he kept his fingers gentle against her flushed skin. She stroked the grooves in his stomach, letting her thumb trace the path from his belly button to the waistband of his jeans. His bottom lip trembled under hers, and his hands lost their grip on her ass, falling loosely down her thighs to the couch.

Brooke quickly fumbled with the button of his jeans, tugging on his lip as she tugged on his zipper. She left his pants absently open as she slipped a few fingers underneath the waistband of his boxers. Lucas's eyes popped open, his mouth falling roughly from hers. He lifted a finger to her cheek, following a curl of her hair and tucking it behind her ear. She paused completely, watching his eyes fixated on her faint blush. His finger glided across her face with his gaze, stopping at her bottom lip and pulling it down just slightly. Finally, he looked into her wet eyes, cupping her cheek.

"I don't know how to forgive you," he whispered, his breath causing her lock of hair to tumble loose.

She nodded, unsure of what else to do. He stayed still until a bead appeared in the corner of her eye. His thumb extended, catching her tear and sucking his thumb.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, his voice somehow steady.

"It's okay."

He shook his head, frustrated, and pulled her hand away from his waist. He grabbed a blanket from the chair and put it between their bodies, wrapping it around Brooke's chest.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, turning her around and sitting himself up.

"Luke. This...it's okay. If you want to...that's okay." Her shy, shaking voice turned his face to her. She bit her lip, afraid of another certain rejection.

Lucas ran a slow hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face. He offered her a form of a smile, but stood up, his pants still open. He laced his fingers behind his head and started to pace. Brooke clutched the blanket against her breasts and stood up too. She walked up behind him, one hand leaving the blanket to touch his back. He didn't turn around, so she wrapped the arm around his chest, rested a cheek against his skin, and let the blanket fall.

"Brooke...I'm not _going_ to forgive you. So what's the point?"

"Why did you come here, Lucas?" Her voice was muffled against him, but he could hear her fine.

"I wanted to know what would happen."

"So why stop?"

"Because it isn't fair."

"To whom?"

"You...me."

"But it's _okay_. And...if you're fine with it...so am I."

"Fine with what exactly?"

Suddenly the heat of her skin and her head was gone, and she spun him around.

"Letting me make love to you."

His lips were parted, and in only a second, she felt his lingering arousal. Slowly, Brooke stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, tilting her head up to his. He moved at the tiniest hint of her touch, slipping his tongue between her lips. She walked them backwards, returning to the couch. She bent her knees, and sat down in front of him. She allowed her eyes to scan down his body, her hands meeting them at his jeans. She pulled them gently down, and he stepped gradually out of them. Folding them over her arm, she placed them on the table and looked back into his icy blue eyes. They softened, and she let the smallest smile creep across her lips. She folded down the elastic of his boxers and he closed his eyes at her cool fingers. She moved as far as she could up his chest, pulling on his chain. He bent over, one hand on either side of her. Fearful of crushing her, he rested his weight into the soft cushions as she pulled him down harder. His lips were slower when they reached hers; his attention so focused that he didn't notice as she tugged off her panties and tossed them over the back of the couch. She stripped him too, and he shuddered as he hovered above her. Her lips fell down onto his clavicle, her tongue starting a steady rhythm.

His eyes still unsure, Lucas lowered himself into her. He felt her lips curl against him and a breath come between her mouth and his collarbone. He pulled out of her, then slowly repeated himself. A small sound went from the back of her throat, contained by his firm chest. His hand brought her mouth up again, swallowing another moan as he lowered his lips in sync with his hips. Brooke had never been one for keeping quiet, but something stopped her from screaming out.

She sighed his name as his hand came up with hers, rubbing his thumb against her knuckle. He kept his eyes closed as shivers ran up through her body, transferred into his through their tongues. Finally, he pushed his whole body down a little harder, making her mouth fall open. Her breath was shattered, and she wrapped her arms tightly around him to stop herself from shaking. Lucas opened his eyes to see her closed ones clench. He watched her for a few seconds until she arched her back, making his own eyes squeeze closed and he felt a release. He groaned, his teeth coming down into his lip. Brooke softly hissed, her back collapsing back onto the cushions as she held Lucas up above her. She studied his face as it ducked down away from her gaze. She pulled his chin back up, kissing him harder than she had before. His tongue was forceful, pulsating against the roof of her mouth. She moaned as he finally started to relax, and his hands started to glide against her thigh again. He fell against her, his face burying into her neck. She let out a long breath and rubbed the tense muscles of his back.

"I love you, Lucas..." she whispered.

His head jerked up, tears springing to both their eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." she began, her cheeks flaming red.

"Brooke..." Lucas stammered, wiping his wet lip with the back of his hand. "I told you."

He stood up and grabbed his jeans off the table. He hastily pulled them up, turning away from her as he zipped them.

"Lucas, I'm sorry. I don't really..."

"Brooke, I told you. I told you this was going to be too much." He turned around, his arms extending to either side. "You said it would be fine, but it isn't. We both knew it wasn't going to be, but we kept going, because you said it would be fine. And now, there's all this stuff that I don't want to deal with." He brought his fists up to his face and covered his eyes.

Brooke wiped at her cheeks, picking the blanket back up from the floor. "I'm sorry I messed this up. Twice now."

"Don't give me that." Lucas shook his head. "Don't try to make me feel guilty for doing what you wanted."

"I'm not the one who came here."

"If you want to blame me...do whatever you want. I gotta go."

"Lucas, don't! We can talk."

"About what, Brooke? I'm not going to say what you want me to say, and I'll just leave upset."

"If you leave now, you'll do the same. At least I could...we could know where we stand."

"We can't be _together_, Brooke. I don't want to let you lead me on to something that won't happen again."

"You don't want _me_ to lead you on? Who _came_ here, and kissed me, and _knew_ something was going to happen? You can't pretend you didn't want this to happen, Lucas? I saw it as soon as you walked in."

"I was willing to stop before things got out of hand."

"Things were already out of hand, and you know it. You know you could get me started, because you've been teasing me since I came back this summer."

"I've been _teasing_ you? You were going on about being non exclusive... You just can't handle not having all the power over me that you want."

"Well, I'm sorry. But I'm not going to be the one to blame all of this on you. I know I wanted you, and I'm not ashamed of what happened."

"You had to ruin it."

"Ruin what, Lucas? Your booty call?"

Lucas closed his mouth, and Brooke could see the muscles in his neck tightening.

"I have to go," he muttered and grabbed his clothes off the floor. Brooke fell back onto the couch, her hands rising from her lap to catch her tears.

_I'm willing to leave this as a one shot, so whether or not this continues is really left up to the amount of reviews I get. I don't know how many people are interested in Brooke and Lucas. I did notice the lack of quality, sexy stories for this couple, so I let this keep going past what I usually do._


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay, so let's pretend I rated this R, because... yeah, but I'm stubborn and refuse to classify this as smut...even if that's what it can be. Anyways I'm really glad there are so many people who agree with me. This is coming out pretty easy, way easier than the other stuff I'm supposed to be writing. I think it's because One Tree Hill's more interesting to me than The O.C. right now. And dude, I cried for the first time last Wednesday. So... if you hear from any, angry O.C. fans about how I'm supposed to be updating those stories... mention that I'm on it._

_Dear Lucas,_

_I learned how to surf today. His name was Matt. Blonde hair, blue eyes... and all I could think of was you. How you said you knew how to surf, and how much I wanted you to be the one with your arms around my waist in one of those ridiculous wetsuits._

_He kissed me. It wasn't anything, and I wasn't expecting it, or I probably would've stopped him just like all the other ones. Nothing was really going to happen, because he has some girlfriend named Brianna, but he said they were on a break. They were having fun this summer apart. I could tell he still loved her._

_What I really need to stop doing is comparing these guys to you. Kevin was so much less intelligent; Brian wasn't nearly as attractive; talking with Sean wasn't even close to as intimate as it used to be with you. Used to be. I don't even know if we're compatible anymore. Hell, were we even compatible then? Maybe the sex was good, but what if that was it? Our connection obviously wasn't strong enough to keep you away from temptation; so how do I know any of it was real at all? Just because one kiss made my knees slip...well it doesn't mean we're soul mates. I don't even know if I believe in soul mates anymore. If I did, then I wouldn't worry so much about you without me all summer. I probably would even sleep with Matt. Because if soul mates are real, there's no way you and I wouldn't end up together._

_Yours,_

_Brooke_

Lucas was working his way through the pile of letters he kept in his dresser. Some of them were long; some of them were water splattered that he'd convinced himself were ocean waves; some professed a love he'd gotten mad at Brooke for mentioning to his face. While reading all of them, he could picture Brooke in her array of bikinis, salt in her hair, and sun in her eyes. And a little bit of his heart softened.

But it was never enough to actually pick up the phone. Lucas had ignoring Brooke down to an art form; he was so good at it in fact that no one sensed any difference between him and her. No one even knew she'd given him the eighty two letters he was half way through. Well, Haley might know, but she didn't mention it. Peyton most definitely knew, but she was talking to him less these days. She thought he was being unreasonable, and had told him on multiple occasions. But she didn't know about what happened between Lucas and Brooke the next morning. That, Lucas was sure of.

"Okay. Okay, I love you too. I'll see you at school. Bye." Haley hung up the phone, trying to force the grin away from her mouth before she looked at Brooke.

"Haley, it's okay. I'm happy for you guys." Brooke's voice came over her laptop. Haley spun around, giggling.

"I know. It's just so...I mean it took forever, but it's so worth it. It's like he's more desirable, and more... passionate than I can remember."

Brooke gave her a sickly smile, pushing her computer screen up higher on her knees.

"Brooke, believe me. I know Lucas. He can't hold a grudge forever." Haley walked over, sitting next to her in her bed.

"Right."

"Even Nathan forgave me."

"And it only took a year. Hales... I don't think I have a year left in me."

Haley felt a knot in her chest take note at Brooke's casual nickname. Only Lucas called her Hales.

"He's not like Nathan. And you didn't run away from him. If I'd been around for that year, who knows what would have happened?"

"He doesn't want to talk to me. I may as well not be here."

"But then who'd lead the squad in our first competition?" Haley wrapped her arm around Brooke's and rested her head on her shoulder.

"Rachel."

Brooke closed her laptop and put it on her bedside table. She sunk back into bed with Haley, but Haley pulled her arm up.

"Come on, Brooke. You're going to shower, change, and look so amazing that Lucas won't be able to keep his hands off of you. He'll just end up dragging you into some janitor's closet and do unsightly things to you. Chris or no Chris."

Brooke kept her lips tight together, but followed Haley's orders and left into the bathroom. She turned the shower on hotter than she liked it and sat on the floor next to it, head in her hands.

"Hey, Luke! Catch!" Lucas turned around just as a basketball slammed into his face.

"Yeah, nice job, Captain." Nathan leaned against the locker next to him as Luke blinked the water out of his eyes. "You crying, Captain?"

"No, my eyes just seem to leak when someone breaks my nose."

"You better get used to it if you're not learning how to catch."

"Why you being like this, Nate? Do you want me to quit?"

"Well if you're willing to mention it, maybe you should. It would give you more time to be an ass to Brooke." Nathan shut Lucas's locker and walked up to a grinning Haley.

"Hi," he murmured, giving her a quick kiss.

"Hi yourself." She lowered herself from her tiptoes and looped an arm around his waist.

"Hey, Brooke," Nathan said, smiling towards the extremely put together girl behind his wife.

She smiled and crossed her arms underneath her breasts. "Haley, I don't know about this."

"You can't be home schooled, Brooke, and I'm not going to let you drop out. And chances are you're going to need your locker at some point in time. And you know there's no time like the present." Haley smiled, looking over Nathan's shoulder to Lucas fumbling with his lock.

"Just remember for the record that this was your idea," Brooke sighed and walked past Nathan and Haley to her locker. Together, they watched her skirt swish, the dark brown suede gliding across her tanned legs. Haley saw Nathan's stare and slapped the side of his head, laughing.

"She looks great, doesn't she?"

Nathan nodded enthusiastically, but turned back to her. "But she dreams of looking as great as you."

"Aw, thank you for lying, baby." Haley kissed him again. "Now walk me to homeroom."

Brooke tugged on the hem of her cream sweater, the neckline low enough for Lucas to recognize her leopard bra. He coughed and turned back to his locker as Brooke opened her own. The pink streamers seemed to taunt her, laughing at how she was letting Lucas look without letting him know she was letting him look.

"Hey, Brooke!" Peyton ran up to her, laying a hand on her locker door. "Damn, you must've done badly on that algebra test to have to dress like that."

Brooke shook her head. "I did fine."

"Oh. Okay." Peyton looked over Brooke's head to Lucas's eyes darting back to his bag. "Well, Whitey wanted you to come see him."

Brooke nodded, taking one last look at Lucas's face buried in his locker. "Okay." She closed her locker and smiled at Peyton before walking away. Peyton stepped closer to Lucas as he braved another peek.

"Looking for something, Mr. Scott?" Peyton asked, making Lucas jump. "She left."

"Who?"

"Right." Peyton laughed, patting him on the back. "Maybe if you wait by Whitey's office, then drop your pencil, you can look up her skirt as she comes out."

Peyton sauntered off, laughing one last time at Lucas's blush.

"I don't care what's going on with you and the blonder Mr. Scott, Miss Davis; there is no excuse for you missing opening game." Whitey slammed his hand down on his desk. "And don't give me any of that 'I was sick' crap, because I saw you sneaking around here."

"I'm sorry, sir." Brooke dropped her head to her chest.

"Christ, first Mr. Scott and Mrs. Scott... Just work it out, okay, Miss Davis? And make sure he's in good condition to play tonight, because you know we need all the help we can get."

Brooke nodded, looking back up at his sympathetic face. Whitey leaned in a little closer to her.

"And I'll make them run today. Extra laps for men with too much gel in their hair," he whispered.

Brooke smiled and picked her purse off the floor.

"Now get out of my office, Miss Davis before I give you trouble for that skirt length."

"Okay. Thank you, Whitey."

He nodded curtly and smiled as she walked out. The door shut and Brooke felt a hand touch hers and shove a piece of notebook paper into it. She turned around to see an empty hallway, so uncrumpled the paper.

"_Free period after bio. Boys' locker room always empty. Broody."_

Brooke considered letting him stay there, checking his watch. She thought about getting Whitey to get him in trouble for being in a room that was supposed to be locked in non gym periods. But she also remembered his tongue against her throat.

Lucas sat on the bench between rows of lockers, his hands threaded through his hair, elbows on his knees. This was wrong.

He stared at a thread in his jeans, glancing at his watch. When he looked back to his thighs, bare, tanned ones were sitting next to him. He looked up to Brooke's parted lips, meeting them with his own as his hand left his hair and went to her thigh. She kissed him back harder, untucking his shirt from his belt.

Lucas pulled back and held her face between his hands. "We don't have that much time. Gym classes come here in twenty minutes. And you're going to have to be quiet."

"Fantastic, Mr. Romance."

He kissed her again, pushing his hand up her leg, under her skirt. Brooke yanked harder on his shirt, pulling back on his lips to unbutton the front. He picked her lightly up, lying her down on the cold floor as he inched on top of her.

"Okay, ew," Brooke muttered, looking at the floor underneath her.

"Do you not want to do this?"

"I didn't say that. This is just gross. I mean, how many people..." He cut her off, pushing his tongue back into her mouth. She relaxed, pushing at the sleeves of his shirt until they fell off. He released her lips, sitting up and pulling off his tee shirt too. Brooke skimmed her hands across his back, kneading at the small of it, grinding his hips against her legs. He pushed up her sweater, exposing her stomach. Leaning down, he licked her belly button, trailing his wet tongue up with her sweater. She sighed softly, helping him get rid of her sweater.

"Okay, _ew_," she whined as her bare back hit the sticky floor. Lucas stood up and grabbed his jersey out of his gym bag. He tossed it back to her, and she situated herself on top of it. Hungrily, he went back to her, his hand going back up her skirt. Her small fingers started working his belt, tugging roughly to release it from his belt loops. Next she moved onto his pants, sliding them down his legs and making him groan. She bit gently at his bottom lip as he pushed her skirt all the way up to her waist and pulled down her boyshorts. Forcefully, he stuck two fingers inside of her causing her to cry out. He clamped his other hand over her mouth as he continued to rub her.

Her mouth opened wider, so it was just their tongues caressing each other. As she started to shake, he wrapped one strong arm around her, continuing to work her with the other. She released a strangled moan when she started to come back down, and he held her up tighter against his chest.

"Oh my god, Lucas," she whispered into his mouth, bringing her own hand up to rub his side and pull on his waistband. She kissed him softer, while she brought down his boxers. He lifted her and groped at the back of skirt, finally getting it undone and slipping it down her legs. She laid a hand on both his hips and pulled him down harder than he had the last time. They moaned in sync, his one hand going back to the floor to keep himself up.

"Brooke. Brooke, Brooke, Brooke, Brooke, Brooke," he hissed into her throat as she started to rock the two of them together. Finally, he came at the same time as she started to tremble again.

And after they finished, he kissed her forehead and scrambled to get their clothes.

"Lucas."

He looked up from the button of his jeans to her sad eyes.

"What now? This my fault too?"

"No. This was mine. And that skirt's," he said, yanking his shirt around him.

Brooke nodded, biting back smiles and tears, and left the locker room. He buttoned his shirt and collapsed against the lockers.

"Hey, Brooke, do you know who first signed the Constitution?" Peyton asked, flipping through the pages of her textbook. She looked up when she failed to get an answer. "Brooke? Hello?"

Peyton reached out a hand and shook Brooke's arm. "What?"

"Are you awake?"

"What? Oh, yeah, sorry." Brooke opened her book too.

"You better be; we have practice next period."

"Right. I know. Sorry, the Constitution. Was that... Ben Franklin?"

Peyton raised her eyebrows. "Well, there's an idea, but how about you confirm?"

"Okay."

"What's with you? Since study hall, you've been kind of...woozy."

"I'm fine."

"Did you talk to Lucas?"

Brooke snapped her head up, but looked quickly back down. "No. We didn't talk."

"Are you going to?"

"I tried to talk to him already. He basically told me to go to hell."

"Wait, you talked to him? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Must've forgotten."

Peyton wasn't satisfied with her answer, but turned back to her book. The bell rang, and Brooke walked out first. Haley nearly walked into her.

"Whoa, hey Brooke. Watch where you're going."

Brooke nodded and kept walking. Peyton came out of the room and watched her with Haley.

"She better wake up soon or we're in trouble," Peyton muttered.

"She's been bad since she woke up, but she's gotten even worse. Something has to happen, or Rachel's going to take over."

Peyton shrugged and followed Brooke into the girls' locker room.

Lucas rubbed at his eyes, drying off the cold sink water.

"Hey, Captain, you ready?"

He spun around and caught the ball Nathan tossed him this time.

"Better. Keep those reflexes." Nathan walked out to the gym and quickly eyed the cheerleaders to the left side of the gym.

Brooke was standing in front of them, wiping the remains of water drops off her cheek with a white towel.

"For the new girls, with the exception of Haley... this is going to be the most important routine of your lives. It's going to be people's first look at the Tree Hill Raven cheerleaders, and we are going to be the best. We didn't get it last year or the year before that, but hopefully," Brooke glared at Rachel watching the players come out of the locker room. "_Hopefully_, you new additions will bring a focus and a drive that'll bring us to the top this year. Or maybe if I was wearing a jersey with muscles coming out of my shirt I could keep your attention, _ladies_."

Rachel snapped her head back. "Sorry."

"You mess this up for me, honey, and you're going to get more than just a slap. So keep your googly eyes on the prize."

"Don't worry, Captain," Rachel smirked, turning her head as Lucas came out. "I am."


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Lucas,_

_You have no idea how scared I am. I'm supposed to actually see you in less than a month, and I have no idea what I'm going to say. How do you do it? How do you just say how you feel and accept whatever comes? How do you stand in front of someone and tell them how you really feel no matter how they feel in return? I need so much help, but I can't ask you, and it's killing me. You helped me last time, when I needed to make an auditorium of kids fall in love with me... Tell me, how do I make just one?_

_Because love has to mean devotion. Complete, head over heels, I'd chop off my hand for you devotion. So you don't love me, or at least you didn't. You say you want to be with me, but I can't just accept that, because look how well that turned out for me the last time. I can't chase you, because I don't seem to be very good at it. But what if I do nothing, and you lose interest? Or, even worse, you come to your senses? I don't think I'd be able to handle that._

_Everyone but you seems to think I'm so strong. You've seen me cry more times than I can count, and it scares me. It scares me so bad that you've seen me at my ugliest, my breakdown. Why would someone as strong as you want to be with me? How can you just stand in front of me and tell me that you're willing to do anything? Why doesn't it make me lose all interest in you? Complete vulnerability was never something I looked for in a guy. Disinterest and a tan usually did it. But you know that's not true. I always thought honesty was only something people talked about in lieu of wishes. No one wants to hear the truth, or tell it, because the truth is pathetic. But you make it sound so real, so strong. How do I do that too, Lucas?_

_Love,_

_Brooke_

Lucas sat still on the bus, Nathan going over plays in his head next to him. Whenever he started playing basketball in his mind, Nathan always whispered into closed fists. This wasn't good. Lucas wasn't focusing on the game, or plays, or strategies. He was reading over love letters in his head.

Whitey walked back to them, leaning his arm on the seat in front of the two captains.

"Mr. Scott." He nodded. "Mr. Scott. I don't mean to interrupt your trains of thought, but I wanted you boys to know that you're going to be introducing your cheer team after the game."

"Why?" Nathan asked, his fists lowered between his knees.

"Why? These ladies devote their talent to you and your team; it's the least you can do. Personal relationships aside, these girls come to every one of your blasted games, and no matter how badly you suck; they make the crowd believe you have a chance in hell. Lord knows I wouldn't be able to do it."

"That's just because no one wants to see you in a miniskirt, Coach," Nathan said, lowering his head back to his hands.

"That too. So just split some fighting words for the girls between the two of you, and take a shower after the game. No one wants a bunch of sweaty, idiotic announcers."

Whitey smiled towards Lucas in a knowing way and walked back up to his seat in the front of the bus. Nathan leaned back in his seat, watching Lucas's fingers tap the rhythm returned to his headphones.

"Hey." He pulled out the cord, and Lucas looked up.

"Don't mess today up. I don't want Whitey to lose all faith in us whatsoever. We lose and maybe even Brooke won't look at you like you're fucking Superman."

"She doesn't..."

"Yeah whatever. Just listen to me and Whitey, and stay focused."

"I'm captain too. So you better listen to me too, 'Superman.'"

Nathan laughed. "All right, Captain. Lead me to be like you."

"What happened to us being friends, Nate?"

"What happened to us being a winning team, Captain?"

Brooke threw her gym bag over her shoulder, clutching her thin sweatshirt tighter around her shoulders. Once all the girls were off, Brooke turned around, teeth chattering.

"So here's the deal, girls. Do not waste all your energy at an early game. I taught you to peak at seven, and that's what I need you to do tonight. Ready?"

Rachel raised her hand, and Brooke crossed her arms.

"Yes? Problem?"

"Will we have time between the game and the competition for other extra curriculars?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Forty minutes, but I don't think you should waste them in... energy consuming activities. Anyone else?"

No one said anything, so Brooke nodded. "All right. Let's win."

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Tree Hill Ravens!" Mouth grinned as the boys hugged each other in the middle of the court. "In their first victory of the season, Captain Nathan Scott returns to the hype he deserves in scoring thirty points, but for once, he is outshined by the godly performance given by his co-captain, Lucas Scott. Lucas returns from an embarrassing game to give the best performance seen this season and he gives his team the forty-five points they earned. These two phenomenal talents bring their team to victory at ninety to seventy two."

Mouth put down his mike and hugged Brooke over his table.

"Great job today, Mouth."

"I can't wait to say the same to you."

She smiled and turned her head slightly to see Rachel jump into Lucas's arms and kiss him on the cheek. Mouth followed her sight and kissed her cheek too.

"You're going to do amazing, Brooke."

Brooke turned back around with her smile still in place. "Thanks."

She spun on her heel and walked back to the rest of the squad, regaining her composure. Then she walked up to Rachel, still in Lucas's arms, and tapped her on the back.

"Hi, Rachel? I just wanted you to know in case you forgot that we have a competition _tonight,_ and so loading the bus would be great. You know, for my squad."

"Great, _Captain_. Anything for _your_ squad." Rachel grinned toothily and kissed Lucas one more time on his cheek. "Great game." She pushed past Brooke, making sure her shoulder hit her hard on her way out.

Lucas wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and looked expectantly at Brooke. She smiled as sweetly as she could.

"Yeah. I always knew you had an amazing game."

"Thanks. But keep the attitude for your squad."

"You don't know what attitude is, Scott."

"If you want to talk about this, maybe we shouldn't do it in front of your squad, Davis. Creates a bad image." He smirked and walked past her into the locker room.

Brooke groaned and turned back around to get her megaphone and an identical sympathetic look from Peyton and Haley.

"Are you guys loaded?" Brooke asked, her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, Brooke. You want to get something to eat before we have to board?" Peyton wrapped her arm around Brooke's shoulders and led her to the concession stand by the bleachers.

"Good game, Lucas." Tim clapped him on the shoulder as he walked past. A couple other players nodded, Nathan at the back.

"That's what I was talking about, Captain." He smiled with real happiness as he walked backwards to the bus. "But dry your hair; you can't pull off the wet look."

Lucas nodded with a matching smile, running his hand through his still wet hair, his other shoving further into his sweatshirt pocket. The crowd people walked out of the school, watching him in awe. Finally, Peyton, Brooke, and Haley came out, their arms around each other. They stopped at the sight of him, Brooke's eyes locking angrily with his.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, ignoring his best friends to the side of her. Peyton looked questioningly at Brooke, but Brooke just nodded.

"You girls have fifteen more minutes until you have to be on the bus."

"Are you going to be okay, Brooke?" Haley asked, hushed in Brooke's ear. Brooke nodded, honoring Haley with a look. Peyton shook her head but left Brooke's side.

"Good game, Lucas," Peyton said as she walked away. Haley repeated her and gave him a guilty smile. Guilty for taking Brooke's side, even though she'd been doing it since she'd seen Brooke cry herself to sleep.

Brooke watched them leave, and then she turned to look at him. "What do you want?"

Lucas took her hand and pulled her to the side of the school. He pressed her up against the brick, pushed back the sleeves of her sweatshirt, caressed the bare skin between her skirt and top, and kissed her neck. Brooke tightened, not pushing him away, but not touching him back. His fingers were rubbing against hers, but she didn't move any way in return.

He trailed his kisses up to her mouth, frustrated beyond belief when her lips didn't move with his.

"What do you want, Brooke?" he asked, extending his hands and walking away from her.

"You're kidding." She crossed her arms.

"Nope. I just can't seem to figure it out. You talk about love and wanting, so what is this? I thought I was giving you what you wanted."

"What I wanted? You think I ever wanted you to use me? I could be any piece of ass to you, and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference."

"Then why am I not with Rachel?"

"Honestly, Lucas? I have no idea. You don't seem to care about anything I say, but you're pretty damn eager to be near me when my shirt comes off."

"You're right. I guess Rachel would really be just as good as you. Probably better. She is a better dancer."

"I'm surprised you're not sleeping with her already. Aren't you the king of the hookups?"

"Just with sluts."

Brooke choked on a tear in the back of her throat, but nodded. "And what do you think Rachel is?"

"Exactly. Thanks for the tip off."

"So this... these little meetings are over?"

"What, the sex? I guess they are."

"Thank god."

"Thank the fucking lord."

"So this means we're done here?"

"That's what it means."

"Fantastic." Brooke bit her lip with harsh force and walked toward the bus. Lucas punched the wall and went off towards his own bus.

"What did Lucas want?" Peyton asked, pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

Brooke shrugged and collapsed next to Peyton in the seat. "Just... gloating, basically."

"Over what?"

"His game."

"Because all Lucas can stand to do is tell you what a great basketball player he is."

Brooke shrugged again and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

"He wants you, Brooke," Peyton whispered, closing her eyes and leaning against the window.

"Don't sleep. Keep the energy high," Brooke said, putting her earphones in.

Peyton smiled, but nodded. "Yes, Captain."

"Ladies and gentlemen, some of the hardest working girls in South Carolina are here tonight to entertain you." Nathan rested the microphone by his side.

"These girls work for someone else's victory on a daily basis. Tonight, we're all hoping for theirs." Lucas couldn't find Nathan's size of a smile inside of him, so he just brought down his arm.

"So here they are, the Tree Hill High cheerleaders."

It bothered Lucas beyond believe that Brooke was basically giggling in front of the girls. Nathan shoved his arm, laughing quietly.

"Way to be subtle, Luke."

"At what?"

"She looks hot." Nathan nodded.

Lucas saw Brooke's eyes flash to his for a second, so he changed his gaze to Rachel. Her smile wasn't as wide as Brooke's, her teeth not even showing. She was staring at him. He nodded slightly, making her wink and stumble as Brooke walked past her. She recovered, but her smile was nearly gone, and Brooke's smile had turned into an 'I told you so.'

_It's shorter, because I wrote this over two days, so the mood changed. I didn't want to keep you guys going, but I wanted to get this out before it completely turned courses. The response to this story is truly phenomenal. It's the best I've ever had, and I'm so glad that you guys are enjoying it, because I am too. Don't be led on by the update level... the surge is over. But I'll try my best._


	4. Chapter 4

"_Love is an excuse to get hurt."_ Bright Eyes

_Dear Lucas,_

_Recently, I've been having these strange dreams. The most random things imaginable. In the last one, you were chasing me down by the beach, and when you caught me, you lifted me off the ground and told me I was the one in front and then threw me into the water. I spent a few minutes guessing at what it could mean, but all I came up with were lyrics to The Beatles' "Hey, You've Got to Hide Your Love Away." Damn Peyton._

_I think I'm infatuated with you. There is and always will be a difference between infatuation and love. The idea of you is amazing to me, just because you're so smart, and funny, and sweet, and you mean so well, and I can remember how perfect your hands felt on my waist. I don't know how to love you. I can't love someone across the country from me. I don't believe in it. I'm in love with the idea of you. That has to be it, or else I'm completely insane._

_When I get back, I need you to promise me that you won't lead me on. I don't care about any of it, you can throw anything at me, and I think you know that. I don't want to be thrown into something we're not ready for, because that's what happened last time. And while I've spent forever teaching myself I'm over it, you have no idea how in love with you I was. How willing to do anything for you I was. Feelings like that don't go away, and you don't get over them. Even when I was with Felix, I could remember them as clearly as my name. That's another thing I don't believe in. Overcoming emotions. They always seem to come back to me in the end._

_Love forever,_

_Brooke_

Lucas folded it back up and put it into the envelope it came in, touching it to his chin. Her closings seemed to get him stronger than her random confessions and revelations. They were getting increasingly more like a girlfriend. For her to go from the infatuated school girl that came through her letters to the wary, sexy player she was when he'd first talked to her was unbelievable.

He heard a knock at his door, and said come in before his mom had the chance to be angry with him again. Quickly, he bent over to shove the box with returned letter under his bed. As he sat back up, he got toppled over onto his back sideways on the bed. Brooke kissed him urgently, and she had gotten his shirt off before he'd actually recognized her face. The way she kissed him was unique, however, so as soon as he had found her lips, there was no longer a doubt in his mind.

With more force than he knew she possessed, Brooke turned them over, holding onto his necklace as she rolled. He landed roughly on top of her, and he could feel its effect on her in the back of her throat.

"Turn off the light," she commanded, pushing him off of her. He obeyed and came back slowly before Brooke yanked on his necklace again, bringing him back to her.

"I'm still mad at you," she mumbled, stripping her sweatshirt over her head. "So you better be quick."

He thought of a response in his head, but didn't dare answer her due to the rush of blood in his head.

"And if you mention the name Rachel once tonight, I'll have no regrets with kicking you in the balls." She shoved him to the side of her and wrapped her arm around his neck to get better control.

"I thought you didn't want to be used for sex," he said as he massaged her thigh.

"I don't. Tonight, I'm using you."

And that was all the explanation she deemed necessary, for she was taking off her pants as she said it. His hands were as quick as she demanded of him, smooth skimming across her thighs, her waist, a brief pause at her breasts, then continuing down to her panties. He decreased his pressure when he reached her delicate skin, but she pushed down on his hand against the thin, silky fabric of her underwear.

"What was it that inspired this change of thought?" he asked when she broke for breath.

"You let her kiss you again. When we got sixth." She turned her head back to his collarbone, her hands doing their own groping below his belt.

He inhaled sharply, but tried to keep his voice steady. "What?"

"When we got sixth, she was upset and you hugged her. Then, you let her kiss your cheek," Brooke said, slightly annoyed as if he should've known already.

Lucas paused his hand for a second and looked at her quizzically, wondering what his reaction was supposed to be.

"I'm sorry?"

Brooke shrugged and pulled his head back down to her with her hand. She kissed him like he kissed her at the game, as hard as it seemed possible. It wasn't romantic, and it wasn't tender; it was just there. Lucas tried to ignore it as she removed his pants and boxers, but no matter how much of a rush Brooke was in, she always used to mean her kisses. She hadn't forgiven the visual of him and Rachel embracing, which satisfied Lucas in the way she had mentioned being satisfied with him cheating on Peyton.

Then, suddenly, Brooke gripped him hard, and whispered, "What does she mean to you?"

Lucas gave up his hope of being manly and gasped. "What?"

"Rachel. What do you want to happen with her?"

"Nothing. She's not my type."

"What? The whole slutty, seemingly easy, into you cheerleader?"

"No. Not you."

Her hand loosened his grip, allowing him control of the sounds he made again.

"Will you ever forgive me for what happened?" she asked in the voice he imagined when he read her letters.

"I wanted to be exclusive with you. I wanted you to be the one. And you took away my last shred of hope."

"Will you forgive me?"

He looked at her beneath him, her eyes asking him the same question on her lips.

"I don't know," he said, leaning away from her, sure of her departure. He hadn't provided the right answer and she was going to punish him for it.

But Brooke stayed still, nodding to herself. Then without the passion and lust she had had before, she reached up and pulled his neck down, sliding her fingers across the side of it. She kissed him with every part of her mouth, her tongue at a minimum, and her hand left his dick for his chest, tracing gentle circles. He knew it, and she knew it; she was trying to make him fall in love again.

Brooke fell asleep as soon as they were finished, which was never common for her. Her one display of tenderness still had him watching her in the dark. Her demand for the lack of lights had broken a bit more of his heart. She wanted him to be faceless, and it was something they both accepted. At the game, he knew she wouldn't stay away forever, but at the competition, he couldn't even catch her eye. Brooke was attempting to get back her shred of dignity and power, and Lucas couldn't get mad at her for it, no matter how badly he wanted to.

The clock alerted him of the passing minutes; she'd been in his bed for nearly two hours. It surprised him mildly that his mother hadn't checked in on him, but it meant he got to watch Brooke without her questions. Her bare shoulder was growing goosebumps, so he pulled his blankets up higher around her. It always made him happy to see her wrapped in his things, his clothes, his arms. It seemed to show that she was his, and all the other guys who stared at her as much as he did knew she was spoken for.

But some guys didn't care. Some guys slept with girls who had spent the entire summer proclaiming a secret love to someone who wanted her more than anything. Some guys could be lucky enough to be the first guy seen. Some guys got to share everything with girls these guys don't deserve. And it wasn't fair.

Brooke rolled over and let out a deep sound from the back of her throat. It slowly occurred to Lucas how beautiful she really was. How she was able to do the things she did to him. How much he wanted to be the nice guy people had expected of him. How much he couldn't _be_ that guy.

Across the room came a soft buzzing. He got up and found a shaking cell phone in Brooke's discarded pants. He looked at the time and felt bad for Haley on the other end. He threw the phone at Brooke and ended up hitting her head. She groaned loudly, but picked up the phone anyway.

"Hello?"

'Brooke? Where the hell are you?"

"What?"

"It's almost midnight. Where are you?"

"Mom?"

"Brooke, it's Haley. Just please let me know if you're going to be sleeping somewhere else, because...well, I mean... I've been worried about you."

"I'm fine. Sorry."

"Will you be coming back before school? Because... if you want to walk to school together... well, we can talk."

"Um, yeah, I will be. I'll be there."

"Are you close by? Because if you need someone to pick you up..."

"I'll be there, Haley. I'm sorry about all of this."

"Oh, don't be. I just wanted to make sure you weren't in some ditch, or, you know, some drugged out rapist's bed."

"I'm fine," Brooke repeated. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For worrying."

"Well... I mean, you're my roommate."

"Uh-huh. Night, Hales."

"Goodnight, Brooke."

Brooke closed her phone and draped her arm back over the side of the bed.

"Don't throw things at me," she said into the pillow.

"Sorry."

"Why were you up anyways?"

"I was in and out. I didn't know you were going to stay."

"Sorry. I guess this one's going to have to be on me."

"Brooke, I don't think you're a hooker."

"Okay. Good night."

Her lack of emotion bothered him.

Lucas's legs cramped as soon as he moved in the morning. He stretched his back forward off the chair. He sat up to a quizzical look from Brooke.

"What?" he asked.

"Why'd you sleep in the chair?"

"Oh... I just didn't want to disturb you."

"I wouldn't have minded."

"Good to know."

"I just... well, I mean, when I woke up I expected you to be there, and you weren't, so I was just... wondering..." Brooke swung her arms nervously and smiled. "All right, well, I'm going to go see Haley, so I'll see you at school?"

"Yeah," Lucas said quickly. 'Yeah."

"Okay. Well..." Brooke leaned forward and kissed him quickly on the cheek, her own blushing furiously. "I'll see you, then."

Brooke reached the door, when Lucas called out, "Are you just going to walk?"

She turned around and shook her head. "I drove here."

"Oh. Right. Okay."

She closed the door and Lucas got out of the room as quickly as he could. He was going to have to wash his sheets when he got home. They smelled like Brooke.

Karen sat at the kitchen table with her hands folded. "So who was she?"

Lucas turned around to face her and tilted his head. "Who?"

"Lucas, I'm not playing games. I'm not asking for you to involve me in your life; I just want to be involved with the comings and goings of his house. Who was she?"

A thousand girls' names came to Lucas's head, but his mouth moved before he could focus on any one of them. "Brooke."

Karen's anger softened immediately. "I thought you two were..."

"We are."

"But you're still...?"

"I don't know if 'still' applies to us, but yeah."

"Oh, Lucas...That's not good."

"I know, Mom. Sex is a big deal, and should only be practiced when real emotions are involved. They don't call it making love for nothing. I know."

"That's actually not what I was going to say. I think there are real emotions involved, and that's your biggest problem. Sex isn't an excuse."

"For what?"

"Being near someone."

Lucas rocked gently on the balls of his feet, his head still.

"Baby, I don't want you to get hurt," Karen said.

"I'm already hurt," Lucas replied and walked to the bathroom.

Haley wrapped her arms as tightly as she could when Brooke got out of the shower. "Don't scare me like that again." She let Brooke go, and stammered, "Not scared, I mean...I assumed you were with a guy, I just didn't know... and I don't know when you met one that you wanted to... I'm glad you're all right."

Brooke smiled. "I'm just going to get dressed, and then we can get going?"

"Sounds perfect."

Brooke walked into their room and smelled her arm. She'd been scrubbing for ten minutes, trying to insure the disappearance of Lucas and his sheets from her body. And it was gone.

Haley linked her arm with Brooke's as they started walking.

"So remind me why we're not driving again?" Brooke asked.

"Oh, well, if you don't want to talk, we can drive."

"Right. Okay, what do you want to talk about?'

Haley took a deep breath, and said, "You."

"What about me?"

"You and Luke."

"What about it?"

"Brooke, you can't let him hurt you. You're not even together, and I know he's killing you."

"I don't know about him 'killing' me."

"I see the way you look at him. Last Friday, at the game? At the competition. Your eyes were all over him. And I know it's not your fault you aren't together, but... he looks at you too."

"Hales, I don't know if, if it were up to me, we'd be together either. Just since Chris, he's been acting so..." Brooke gestured frantically with her hand. "So difficult."

"That's because you hurt him. He shuts down when people hurt him, because he has the huge fear of abandonment. It's probably because of Dan, but ever since I've known him, he decides when you aren't speaking to each other. He has to be in control over every single fight he's in. He doesn't want someone to leave, so he does it for you."

"Do you honestly think we should be together?"

Haley thought about it longer than Brooke was expecting. "Yes."


	5. Chapter 5

_You guys are beyond amazing. Thank you so much for reading, and I... hope you'll enjoy it. And I hope you all had a happy holidays._

* * *

_Dear Lucas,_

_It's kind of ridiculous that it takes me so long to write something that'll probably never see your eyes. I'm scared about what you're going to think of me when you're not even going to have the opportunity to make any judgment. I miss you. Talking with you always seems to be better face to face. I'm at least able to force some sort of composure._

_I've given up on the boys of California. They're all so similar. My parents seem to have found the non-gay section, but that's about all they have going for them. I miss you._

_It's even more pathetic to sit watching a blank paper than it is to be lost for words in person._

_What scares me even more is that the more I stare at these sheets, the more I think I really do love you._

_Love,_

_Brooke_

Brooke clicked her key at her car and pushed her hair out of her face. Opening her door, she threw her gym bag into the passenger seat and took a wary look around the dark parking lot before getting in too. She stuck her key in the ignition and was about to turn it when a hand covered her eyes. Brooke had learned to scream in the fourth grade, and she had been perfecting her technique ever since, but she barely got a yelp out before a dark voice whispered, "Guess who?"

Brooke swallowed her scream and released heavy breaths. "Lucas, dear god. You only stopped my heart from beating."

"Some people call that romance."

"Not if I'm reaching for my mace."

"Since when do you have mace?"

"It's an expression." Brooke turned her head to look at Lucas's cocked head and smiling eyes. She smiled back, but choked into laughter.

"You're naked."

He raised his eyebrows. "Have I got the wrong car?"

"I'll let you stay."

"Oh I greatly appreciate that, ma'am. I just need to get..." Brooke threw herself forward and attacked his lips with her own. Her hand pulled him closer to her, but he pulled back, bringing her into the back seat.

"What would you have done if I gave Haley a ride home?" she asked, letting her fingers wander down his very naked torso.

"Maybe get dressed."

"Maybe."

"Mmm..." he mumbled and tugged at the tight back of her cheerleading uniform. She sat up and helped him get the zipper. He pulled it over her head as she eyed the rest of his body.

"You're _really_ naked."

"Yeah."

"It's just..." she started, giggling.

"Well, what are you going to do about it?"

She grinned and started to slide down his chest towards his waist, but he stopped her, holding onto her back.

"You don't have to do _that_."

"Lucas Scott turning down free head?"

"Well, it's usually free considering I haven't hung around with _too_ many prostitutes since Crystal got married to that billionaire and left me."

"It happens. So what do _you_ want me to do with you?"

"Strip."

"I'm not sure I can do that _with_ you, considering your substantial head start..." Brooke laughed as Lucas breathed in her ear, jerking down her skirt.

"You can make up for it." He threw her skirt over the seat into the front and pushed her bra straps down with his mouth and receding kisses. She pushed her weight onto the strip of leather between his broad shoulders and the back of the seat, but as he slid down her underwear, he also brought her down against him.

She sighed slowly, kissing his mouth again. He pushed down on the small of her back, arching it with ease. Her lips pulled on his but his other hand came up to bring her head back down to him.

Then, the doorknob turned.

"Hey Brooke, did you give Hale...oh. Wow. That's... a lot of naked." Nathan stood straight up so his line of vision was above the car, his hand coming up out of instinct.

"Shit," Lucas whispered, as if it made any difference how loud he was. He pushed Brooke up by her shoulders and grabbed his pants from the floor, yanking them up his legs. "Nate!"

He got out of the car, still topless and followed Nathan's pacing.

"What the hell were you doing, dude?" Nathan shook his head, his hand sliding back to the back of his head. "I mean, I know what you were _doing_, but...shit, dude, zip your goddamn fly."

Brooke pulled a tee shirt and pair of jeans out of her gym bag and followed the two brothers.

"Nathan..."

"And _you_. What the hell are you thinking? How goddamn long has this been going on? Did you guys ever stop screwing each other? Jesus Christ, Brooke, I thought you had respect for yourself."

"It's not like that," Lucas muttered.

"Nathan, please don't tell Haley. Please." Brooke tilted her head to look into his eyes as she widened her own.

"Don't try to give me that. Do you realize what you're doing to yourself?"

"Please don't tell her," Brooke repeated, touching his arm.

"No, Brooke, I do _not_ want to know where that hand has been." Nathan shook her off and shook his head again. "Luke... where's your head? Where's _your_ head?" he directed towards Brooke.

"I'm going to... go," Brooke said, wrapping her arms around herself and turning back towards the car.

"Brooke," Nathan called out. She turned her head around.

"I won't tell her. But you should." He shoved Lucas's folded arm.

Brooke nodded and kept walking, her lips curling towards the two of them as she started to drive off.

Nathan started shaking his head again. "How long has this been going on?"

Lucas shrugged. "A few weeks."

"But you won't forgive her."

Lucas sighed. "Nope."

"But you'll fuck her."

He shrugged again. "It's Brooke."

"Yeah, why don't you use her again? It's just Brooke."

"I'm not using her."

"Oh no, you're doing this for her. I understand. Your dick does whatever your angry, bitter head tells it to do, which is... to follow the orders of the girl that hurt you."

"I wouldn't use Brooke for sex."

"No, you're using sex to forgive her. Do you guys even talk, or is it a lights off, mouths shut sort of thing?"

"We talk."

"You don't talk in public. Just when you're in bed."

"We talked in public at the game."

"You cursed at each other. That's not the kind of talking I was thinking of. I was imagining something with the words I'm sorry in it."

"She's apologized."

"Oh. That's real big of her. But I was thinking about you." Nathan cocked his head in half nod, then shook his head a final time. "I guess you need a ride, player. Get in." He opened up the door to his own car. "But don't do that naked stuff in here."

Brooke tried to close her bedroom door as quietly as possible, but as soon as the latch clicked, Haley's form sat up in the dark.

"Brooke?"

"Go back to sleep, Hales."

"What took you so long? I was home over an hour ago."

"I ran into your husband, and we were talking. Speaking of which, are you going to move in together or what?"

"Not while he's living at Dan's. And we're not about to kick you out."

"Oh. Right. Well, good night."

Brooke took off her jeans and slipped between her bed sheets, and she was about to fall asleep when Haley started talking again.

"What were you guys talking about? I never thought you guys were... you know, close?"

Brooke stayed silent as long as she could before Haley would check to see if she was still awake. "We happen to be having problems with the same person."

"You know, Brooke, I really think you and Lucas should try having a civilized conversation, because you're both civilized people, and..."

"Haley, just leave it. Lucas and I... we're getting better. I think."

"How do you mean?"

"When I talk to him, I don't burst into tears?"

"Brooke..."

"But I'm serious. Ever since that... game, well, we've _been_ civil towards each other."

"Really? Do you think he's ready to forgive you?"

"No." Brooke pulled the covers over her head and curled her legs up beneath her.

"Where did Chris go anyway?"

"I dunno." Brooke's voice was muffled, and Haley gave up.

Karen tossed Lucas a muffin as he sat down at the table.

"You got home late last night."

"I was with Nathan."

Karen nodded. "I saw his car. Are you two okay?"

He shrugged and started picking at the top of the muffin. She uncomfortably fiddled with her fingers, stroking her mug. Lucas was focused on the crumbs that got loose.

"Lucas."

He looked up, and Karen shifted again.

"You know I don't mean to pry, right?"

"But..."

"But I need to know you're going to do something about what you're doing to that poor girl."

"Who?" He stuck his thumb in his mouth and sucked off a bit of chocolate.

"Do not give me that, Lucas Scott."

"Oh, Brooke? What do you want me to do about her?"

"You know you can't survive doing what you're doing with _how_ you're doing it."

"Mom... no offense, but you can't really understand."

"I understand fine. But what are you going to do if she starts going out with someone else?"

"She's not going out with me, so I... I wouldn't have a problem."

"You really think it's not going to hurt you to see her with someone else while you two are..." Karen took a deep breath. "While you two are... doing what you're doing."

"I guess."

"No, Lucas, I know you. You're a good boy, really. And I know you know something's wrong with this. And if you don't, you have to know that this can't go on the way it's going."

"Lots of people do it, Mom. Friends with benefits."

"But you're not friends. And didn't you hate that boy who tried to do that with her last?"

"He wasn't good for her."

"And you are?"

"No. I'm not. And that's why we're not dating."

"Just having sex."

He set down the paper from his muffin and shrugged. "It's what we're good at."

Karen cringed and shook her head. "No, Luke, it's not. You're good at talking, and getting your feelings out, and making people happy. And right now you're not doing any of that. Do you even know how _she_ feels about any of this?"

He nodded with his head down, his arms crossing across his chest. "I know."

"How? You guys don't _talk_."

"She wrote me these letters. All over the summer. I know."

Karen shut her mouth and leaned back against the back of her chair, her mouth slightly open. "And?"

"She said she loved me."

"Oh, Lucas. You can't really believe that much has changed since the summer."

"That's what she proved to me."

"It's not possible she made a mistake?"

"No. It is possible. She made a huge one when she thought she might have loved me."

"Luke..."

"No, Mom, I don't care. I don't care what she thinks might have been, because she obviously doesn't. I don't want to have to make her fall _in_ love with me."

"What if all you have to do is realize she already is?"

"I can't know the truth no matter what she says. How do I know she isn't just thinking she _might_ want to be with me? Or what if we do get together and I find out she isn't happy with just me and needs people like Chris Keller?"

"You can't be sure unless you ask."

"I can't be with someone who thinks she's in love with one person and then sleeps with someone else."

"Because sex is a big deal."

"Yeah. But this is different."

"Of course. What you're doing with Brooke is totally different, because _that_ sex isn't a big deal at all. Because there are no real feelings even though she says she loves you."

"Loved."

"She's never said she loves you now?"

"No. Well... yeah, but she..."

"She didn't mean it, right?"

"Right."

"Do you love _her_? Yes, you're mad at her, but do you love her? If she hadn't done anything to betray your trust, would you be with her right now? Would you be telling her you loved her when you made love to her?"

"Yes. But I would be a different person."

"Do you love her anyways? You can be mad at her actions, and you can want her, but do you love her?"

"Mom, don't ask these questions."

"Fine. I won't ask you. But you should ask yourself."


	6. Chapter 6

_This would be rated R if it could be an easily accessible R rated story. So don't tell anyone it's still PG-13. Strong language and sexual content in this one, so skip it if you're going to be offended. If you're still here, know that I am probably the proudest of this chapter._

_Dear Lucas,_

_I'm getting tired of this. This impersonal yet completely intimate form of communication. It doesn't feel real enough for me. I'd never think it was possible, but I'm not even sure if I know what you look like anymore. I'm not positive the image I have in my mind of you isn't one I made up to make myself miss you more. It's been so long since I really felt you, that I think the dreams I'm having might be the same thing as when I was fourteen and dreaming of the perfect, inexistent guy. There's no way you can be as amazing and perfect for me as I'm pretending to believe you to be. No one that perfect could have broken my heart so entirely._

_I'm getting bored here. I was with this guy and this girl yesterday, and I allowed her to outflirt me. It might sound stupid, but I considered it a huge disappointment. She wasn't even that cute, but I let it happen._

_Lucas, I need you. I need you to assure me that you're the one for me. It's not enough that you want to be with me or that you get tears in your eyes when I'm not ready to jump into your arms and forego my parents. I need your eyes staring into mine so hard that I blush with a mix of fear and excitement. I need your arms to be forceful but gentle around me, letting me know I'm yours, you're mine, and you're not going to let me go._

_I want proof that you'll never leave me. I want to be in control of how this goes, how we go. I can't live with you acting however you please, breaking my heart whenever you want. We tried it that way before; and no matter how much I love you, I can't let that happen ever again._

_I'm so sorry if all of this means you don't want to be with me anymore, because I want nothing more than to be with you._

_I'm also sorry if I hurt you. Ever. When I left you in the middle of my room, your room, especially. I didn't mean it to be an abandonment; I just didn't know how to face you._

_Love,_

_Brooke_

Brooke lay silently with the traces of a smile still on her face. She arched her back to try to rid it of the pins and needles tingling on her spine. She opened her eyes again and revived her smile at her first sight.

"When's Haley getting back?" Lucas asked.

"Late. Maybe tomorrow morning. She's with Nathan, and Dan's meeting the governor. He's not getting back until tomorrow night, so Haley might not either."

Lucas nodded, the movement of his hair on her exposed skin sending goosebumps down her arms, seemingly all the way down to her fingertips. Her dark pink sheets set off the dark summer tan that still lingered on his back so much that he appeared to be glowing. Then again, that might just be how her eyes chose to see him.

"I like this room," he said quietly for no real reason. She, however, melted at his tone for the sheer reason that it seemed as if he was sharing a secret with her.

"Me too." She scanned her eyes around the simple intimacy of her and Haley's bedroom. Lucas left it as a random comment and nestled his head back in the space right above her breasts. His comfortable position comforted her mind so much that she couldn't help herself from placing a kiss on his forehead as her fingers ran lightly through his sticky hair, remnants of gel sticking to her hands. He had been smiling too, but it was fading.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her voice a little higher than a whisper.

"My mom knows. About this." he stated frankly.

"About us?"

"About what we're doing."

She noted his word substitution used to remind her of the absence of an 'us.'

"What did she say?"

"That sex shouldn't be used as an excuse."

She didn't ask 'for what' like he had expected her to. It made him slightly uneasy, and he raised his head off of her.

"Is that what it is for you?" she asked instead.

"If I wanted to be with you, I would be."

Brooke sat up abruptly, tumbling his body off of hers. "What does that mean?"

"I just... I don't make excuses. When I wanted to be with you, I told you. I wouldn't keep a secret like that from you."

"But what makes you think you could just have me if you snapped your fingers?"

"You were the one who said you loved me."

"Things can easily change," she said bitterly, pulling the sheet off of him as she stood up. She wrapped it around her chest that was only covered by a black bra and walked over to sit on Haley's bed instead.

"So you don't?" he asked almost hopefully.

"I don't love who you're being right now. You're being fake, and I do not appreciate it."

"Fake?"

"You're always honest when it's important? But you don't want to be with me. That's such a _lie_, because you're with me right now, Lucas. If you didn't care, you wouldn't even be here. You're trying to be this hard, indifferently horny guy, and I know he's not you. If he was, you wouldn't stay with me after you got the goddamn job done."

He stood up in his boxers and shook his head. "Don't assume things about me. Don't try to classify what it is that we're doing, because it's not as complicated as you're making it out to be."

"I know you have feelings for me."

"That's what my mom says."

"And?"

"And I think both of you think you know a hell of a lot more about me than you really do."

"Oh. Right. Because what we have is just all about sex."

"Right."

"Bullshit."

"Brooke..."

"That's bullshit, Lucas, and you've known it since the first time you came over here."

He crossed his arms and rubbed his eyes in an excuse to not look at her. Brooke just kept going.

"In fact, that's _why_ you came here. Because you knew there was something between us, and you wanted to know what it was. Then, you _made love_ to me. And it wasn't about you, or about your inability to resist me, or about my seducing you. It was about an 'us.'"

"Because you know all of this. Because you can fucking read my mind."

"Tell me you don't love me."

He walked over until he was standing right in front of her. "I don't love you."

She shut her mouth and broke her eyes away from his. He wiped the beginnings of tears from his eyes and walked away.

"Then why do you still care?" she said to his back.

"I don't."

"Why are you still so angry at me?"

"Because I trusted you."

Brooke stood up, forgetting the sheet on Haley's bed. She walked around him and pulled his hands down from his face.

"So make love to me, Lucas. Right now. If it really means nothing to you, let's do it. Fuck me right now. I'll turn off the lights and close the curtains, so I'll just be a cunt to you."

His eyes were piercing into hers. They weren't angry like when she had to break his stare before; there was a sad look to them, and she could see the longing he had to do just what she said.

He leaned forward and kissed her, a hand on each of her cheeks. The strength of his kiss knocked her back a few steps, and they stumbled backward together until she hit the wall. Tears leaked from her eyes onto his cheeks, but she kept her eyes closed and groped blindly at the lamp beside her, honoring her promise and turning off the light. He pushed harder against her, and she crumpled ever so slightly. Her tears kept falling as she reached for his hips, pulling on his boxers. He hesitated for a moment, and she paused with him, but when he started moving again, she reached farther and gripped him tightly.

Lucas cried out and dropped her cheeks from his hands. He stepped back three steps and brought his hands back up to cover his eyes. Brooke stayed up against the wall, her tears now falling freely. Lucas turned around to look at her, turned away for another second, but then changed his mind one more time and went back to her, kissing her harder.

He could taste her salty tears on her lips, but he tried his hardest to ignore them. Her hands landed roughly back on his waist, and her fingers started tracing the grooves of his hips. She felt goosebumps forming all over his body, but he just pulled her closer, while making sure there was still enough distance between them. One of her legs bent between his, and she felt his dick getting even harder. She stuck her hands back into his boxers and grabbed him firmly. He didn't make any sound this time and tightened his hands around her cheeks. When he released her face, there were red marks that showed where his fingers had been. He pushed her bra down around her ribs, but left his hands hovering above her breasts. She arched her back against him so she was pressed roughly on him.

Lucas shuddered and pulled away from Brooke's body and Brooke's hands. He stood panting in front of her and downcast his eyes. She reached for him, but he pulled farther away. When he felt her hands back on his stomach, he turned around and walked across the room. She followed him, stopping when she was up against him. She wrapped her arms around him and caressed his chest. Then, leaning forward, she bit his ear gently.

"Stop. Please," Lucas said in full voice and took another step forward.

Brooke pulled her bra straps back up and crossed her arms.

"You're not just a...a cunt to me," Lucas said, refusing to turn around. He grabbed his jeans off the floor and pulled them quickly up. He buttoned his shirt over his chest as she watched, his back still to her.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said under his breath as he ran out of the room.

Brooke was left standing in the middle of the room, her tears starting to slow.


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry the last one was so short. I didn't want to add too much to it in fear of ruining it. I made this one longer for you guys, though. Thank you so much for being some of the coolest reviewers in the world._

_Dear Lucas,_

_I'm in love with you. There's no easier way to say it, and I'm sorry I can't say it to your face. I'm in love with you. Just something about the way you looked tonight made me realize it, but I think I've known it since the beach. I'm in love with you. I don't want to be with anybody else, but I don't know if I'll be able to remember this tomorrow._

_And I really want you. The whole no sex thing is retarded, because you know how good we are together._

_I think we need to get away from Tree Hill. It's always the same people here, and they don't really do us any help. And I can think of nothing I would like better than to be alone with you where no one could find us. I think you're my weakness._

_Every time you're within a foot of me, I can't breathe without shivering. You smell so good, and you're just warm enough to keep me warm forever. I'm in love with you. I just wish you could've stayed longer. Maybe a mix of how I'm feeling right now and how good you looked would've let me tell you. Maybe we would've been able to eliminate all those other people from our minds._

_Love,_

_Brooke_

Lucas lay on his back, flipping through the last few pages. They all said the same thing. She wanted him, and she loved him, and she wanted so badly to be with him, and she was sorry she couldn't figure out how to say it. And she hated Rachel, but couldn't really be mad at him for it. She was sorry she drove him into someone else's arms, but she hoped that somehow he could still believe that they belonged together, because she really did love him. She wanted so badly for him to just give in and make love to her while she tried to find the words to justify their chemistry.

"Lucas?" The door cracked open and Haley peeked her head in. Lucas shoved the papers under his pillow and got off his bed.

"Hey."

"Hi." She smiled and closed the door. "I'm sorry I... it feels like we haven't talked in forever."

"Yeah, I know. Do you want to... sit...?"

Haley teetered on the edge of his bed, laying her hands in her lap. "So."

Lucas sat tentatively beside her and leaned his elbows on his knees. "So... why are you here?"

"Oh. I just... well... I mean... I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

Haley sighed and closed her eyes as she spoke. "She's really hurting, Lucas."

"Hales... I don't need to hear..."

"No, you really do. I don't know what you did to her, but she's hurting so bad, and she won't talk about it, but I know she wants to. And if you have any... feeling for her whatsoever, you'll leave her alone. She wants you with her so bad, but if you can't forgive her, just leave her alone."

"I'm not..."

"I know something happened with you two, but she won't tell me what. I don't need you to tell me either, I just need you to fix it. This isn't a game, Lucas; she's really hurting."

"How do I fix it?"

"Leave her alone. Or kiss her. And tell her you forgive her. And tell her you love her. And tell her that she's still the only one you ever want to be with. And tell her she's worth so much more than what she thinks, because right now, she... she's not Brooke."

"Hales..."

"And, I mean, so what? She slept with another guy. She's so sorry, and I know she's told you that, and she wants to be with just you, because she loves you. He wasn't anything to her, and you know that. You have the right to be mad, but this is taking it a little past normalcy, Lucas. You can't be mad at her forever, because it's not worth it. Tell her you're sorry, and you know she's sorry, and you'll take her back."

"We weren't together, Haley. I can't take back something I never had."

"You guys had so much. You know you love her, and I know you love her, and that's why you're so mad. So if you can't be a man and leave her alone, be a man and admit to your feelings."

"I don't want to love her, Hales. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to love her. I want to be mad at her forever, but I see her and it's just... hard."

"Can't you just start over?"

"And then what? We ride off into the sunset and get married? Because I just can't see that happening."

"But you guys love each other. You never know what's going to happen. And even if you're not going to ride off into the sunset together, can't you just...?"

"No, we can't. Because I'm going to be the one who gets hurt. I fall for her, she leaves, and I get hurt. She falls for me, but can't tell me, and I get hurt. I try to make all of this easier, and she's okay with it, but I still get hurt."

"Sorry... what? How did you make this easier?"

"She didn't tell you?"

Haley rolled her eyes. "She doesn't tell me anything."

"We've kind of been... hooking up."

"What? Like present tense, more than once hooking up? Oh, Lucas."

"I know it's bad. You don't have to tell me too."

"Oh, _Brooke_. No wonder she's... I've gotta go."

She ran out of the room, leaving Lucas with his head in his hands.

Brooke lay on the couch, with no blankets even though it occurred to her briefly that she was freezing. Her phone rang, but she ignored the call after its first ring.

Haley burst into the room, skidding on the floor when she saw Brooke in the living room.

"Brooke, why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me you _slept_ with him? That that's where you've been for the past weeks? Why couldn't you just tell me?"

"Nathan told you?"

"No, Lucas. Nathan knew?"

"_Lucas_ told you? Why?"

"Oh, yeah, he loves you by the way, but Brooke. You've been having _sex_ with _Lucas_ and you didn't think to tell me?"

"He didn't want you to know. Why did he tell you?"

"Are you okay?"

"Okay? I'm fantastic, Hales." Brooke wiped her eye, and faked a smile.

"Why would you keep going back?"

"Have you _seen_ him, Haley? He's kind of like a potato chip. You can't have just one," she said, laughing.

"Brooke, you don't have to pretend."

"Pretend what?"

"That it isn't killing you. To be so close to him, but not."

"Sex doesn't have to be a big deal, Hales."

"Brooke, you're _crying_. You're crying, because it's killing you."

Brooke rubbed at her eyes and smoothed down her hair. She turned back to Haley with a wet smile. "I'm fine. And... he's... really good in bed."

Haley put her hand on Brooke's arm and nodded. "Okay. Take off your shoes."

"What?"

Haley reached down and pulled off her shoes then took her hand. "Let's go."

"Where?"

"To bed. Come on." Haley pulled gently on Brooke's arm as she led her to their bedroom.

"Haley, if you're going to be trying to seduce me, maybe..."

"Pasta or hamburgers?"

"What?"

"You haven't eaten, right?"

"Pasta?"

"Great. My choice too. And my specialty."

Haley grabbed a Cosmopolitan off of the floor and handed it to Brooke as she tucked the covers in around her.

"I'll be right back."

Brooke lay still in her bed, the magazine in her hands. She heard a jingle on her bedside table, but didn't even look at the name before ignoring the call.

"Hello?" She heard the front door open.

"Hey. Um, now's not a good time exactly, do you think...?"

"Let him in, Haley. Hi Nathan," Brooke called out, her voice breaking a bit.

"Hi Brooke." Nathan walked into the room and laughed at Brooke's situations. "Haley got to you."

"Does she do this often?"

He nodded and sat down beside her head. "When Lucas got hit by that car, she spent hours in bed. She just doesn't realize it doesn't always work for everyone."

Brooke shrugged, but she smiled too. Nathan nodded and looked out the door to Haley in the kitchen. "She really is amazing, isn't she?"

Brooke nodded, but knew Nathan wasn't going to turn to see her.

"She finds everything out too. She's really the center of all of us, isn't she?"

"It's good to have the normal one in the center."

He laughed and nodded. "I guess you're right." He turned back to Brooke and kicked off his shoes. "So, what are we reading?"

"Real People's Sexual Successes."

"Good. I just hate when those fake people can't keep it in their pants."

"Yeah. Me too."

Haley walked in with three bowls and forks. "So? Do we need anything else?"

Brooke liked how she said 'we.' "I think we're good, Hales."

"Good." Haley crawled into bed on Brooke's other side.

Brooke looked from Haley on her left to Nathan on her right and laughed. "Thank you."

Haley smiled and kissed the top of Brooke's head. "So what do we have? Got any quizzes?"

"Is He Cheating?"

"Ooh, do that one."

"How about you pick another one?" Nathan asked.

"Why? Do you have something to hide?" Haley sat up on her elbow so she could make eye contact.

"You know, on second thought, go ahead," he quickly said, turning back the page.

Brooke's phone rang again on her bedside table, but she reached over and turned it off.

Peyton opened his door and leaned against the doorframe. "Well don't you look sad?"

Lucas rolled up so he was sitting cross legged on his bed. "Hello to you too."

"You want to go for a walk?" she asked, her cocky smile still in place.

He shrugged, grabbed a sweatshirt, and followed her out the door. Peyton crossed her arms and walked a few feet away from him down the middle of the street. He followed behind, his head turning every now and then to check for cars.

"So, what do you want to talk about, Mr. Scott?"

"Not Brooke."

"Well that leaves quite a window."

Lucas turned his head up and shoved his hands in his pockets. Peyton turned back to look at him and laughed.

"So, how about that hockey season coming back? Exciting, huh?"

He laughed too and nodded. "Pretty fantastic."

"Thank god, a smile? Wow, you must be having a good time now."

"I never wanted to hurt her."

"I thought we weren't going to talk about Brooke."

He shrugged, turning his head back down. "That's why you came, right?"

"No, I came for the pleasure of your company, Luke."

"Oh of course, that too."

"People seem to be giving you rough breaks recently, that's all. And it's not fair."

"They say I deserve it."

"For what? Being upset when you saw the girl of your dreams in bed with the scum on the bottom of Haley's shoe? It happens sometimes, you know?"

"Yeah, right? I just thought you'd be on Brooke's side too."

"Way to make it sound completely high school."

"Well, you know, we are..."

"Ugh, I forget sometimes. But anyway, who says I'm not on Brooke's side?"

"Well, you said..."

"Some people call being able to see both sides of the story a virtue."

"Oh, well, yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it... well, that you had to choose."

"I appreciate your apology, Lucas. It's funny the things that can be made be made better by two words, you know?"

"Right."

Lucas's smile faded slightly, and he started to watch the road as it passed. Peyton looked at the look on his face and changed the tone of her voice.

"So, I got a letter from Jake the other day."

"Oh yeah? Did he say where he was?"

"No, I don't want to know. He says he's good though. And Jenny's talking more every day."

"Oh, that's cool."

She nodded, sighing softly. "I really miss him around here sometimes."

"He's a good guy."

"In a hell of a sucky situation."

He laughed again and nodded his head. "I'd drink to that."

Haley giggled. "Are we going to need some wine in here?"

Brooke laughed too. "Tutor girl gone bad. You've been living with me too long."

"I'll be right back."

Nathan watched her leave and scooted closer to the center of the bed. "Thank god, I've been almost falling off for like an hour now."

Brooke giggled and moved over too.

"So, Miss Davis, how are we doing?"

"Just fabulous, Mr. Scott."

He raised his eyebrows. "I'm sorry about that ass of a brother of mine."

"You don't have to be sorry. I'm the one who should really be sorry for interrupting husband-wife sexy time."

"I think we'll be just fine. Don't be sorry. _Lucas_ should be sorry."

Brooke nodded for a second, but turned her face away.

"Hey, Brooke, I didn't mean for you to... hey." He thumbed a tear and turned her face back around. "Don't be like that. We're family, eh?"

"Oh yeah?" Brooke sighed. "How does that work?"

"Well, you're living with Haley. So in some sticky sorority way, you're sisters, right? So then I would be your brother in law."

"If you say so."

"Well if you don't want me to be..."

"No, it's good. So Brother Nathan, what am I going to do about our other brother?"

"He's not our brother. We can disown him. He's only half."

Brooke smiled sadly. "Okay."

Nathan's smile faded, and he rubbed Brooke's arm. "He hurt you, huh?"

"Why are you being this nice to me, Nathan?"

He shrugged. "You helped me when I was being an ass to Haley. I was never that good at the talking with Lucas, so I guess this is the best I can do."

"You could knock his teeth out."

Brooke laughed, and Nathan smiled. "Always a possibility."

Her head bobbed, but her voice came out shy. "You know he told me he didn't love me? He stood right over there and said it to my face. And... I don't know; I didn't believe him, but what if that was wrong? What if he really doesn't care about me?"

"Brooke, I don't think that's possible."

"Then he kissed me. He didn't even care... It was like he could just kiss me, because he didn't mean it. I thought he would... I didn't think he'd be able to... but he did."

"He might not have known how much it would hurt you."

She shrugged and wiped her eyes again. She laughed in a faraway voice. "I didn't think he could hurt me worse than he did. You know, before. But... he's just all over the place. Sometimes I think he cares so much, and I see him, and I... I just fall. But then he says it's all a lie, and that if he wanted to be with me, he would be. Like I don't matter, like what I think doesn't matter."

Nathan stared straight ahead, his fingers still rubbing her arm in the same pattern as before. Haley walked in, and his gaze snapped up. She smiled, but he just stood up.

"Hey, I should be going. I'll see you guys later."

"Are you okay?" Haley asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for a great night." He kissed Haley's cheek and smiled towards Brooke.

He touched the doorframe and nodded, before walking extremely quickly out. Haley turned to Brooke.

"Did you say something to him?"

Brooke shrugged and took a wine glass.

Lucas and Peyton walked along the porch to the black door. Peyton laughed.

"You know, you really are an idiot."

He laughed too and shrugged. "Thanks for this, Peyton. It's good not to... you know, think about it."

"Well, I'm always here for when you don't want to think, Lucas."

He nodded and smiled. "Always a good thing."

"All right. Good night, Lucas." Peyton stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.

"Good night, Peyton." Lucas pulled away and lightly mussed her hair.

"You have got to be kidding me." Lucas and Peyton both turned their heads at Nathan's voice.

"Nate? What are you...?" Lucas stepped forward at the same time Nathan did, but fell backwards when Nathan hit him squarely in the jaw.

"Nathan!" Peyton yelled. "What the hell?"

Nathan followed him backwards and hit him again the stomach.

"What's your deal, man?" Lucas asked, the friendliness gone from his eyes.

"What's _your_ deal? I thought you were upset, dude, but I guess some things never change."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're putting this poor girl through _so_ much, and you know it, and then you go back to the last thing you did that hurt her? You're really trying to kill her, aren't you?"

"Nathan, Peyton just came by to..."

"You're scum, you know that? You know Brooke's crying over there because she thinks you don't care about her? And then you're over here just... not caring?"

"Listen, Nathan..."

"And you. Peyton, Brooke's your best friend. You guys are messed up."

"Brooke is my best friend, and I'm there for her. But Lucas is my friend too, and we can't just ignore him."

Nathan shook his head. "You know your friend here has no problem with sleeping with your best friend and then telling her he doesn't love her?"

"You slept with her?" Peyton asked, her eyebrows rising.

"Nathan, you don't even know half of it. Don't talk about things before you know the whole story."

"What's to know? You admitted to fucking her. Why shouldn't I believe you could be heartless enough to tell her that she didn't mean anything to you afterwards?"

"You know I care about her, Nate."

"Yeah. I do. Brooke doesn't."

"It's complicated," Lucas muttered, turning his bruising face away.

"So you two..." Peyton said. "God, Brooke. Why doesn't she tell me things anymore?"

"She hasn't told anyone, Peyton. It was important to her, so she didn't think it was something to share with everyone. This one here didn't care that much though."

"Hey, I didn't tell anyone either."

"You told Haley."

"Haley just sort of... found out."

"Well, now at least Brooke has someone there when she's crying about how much she loves someone who's screwing her friend on the side. Again."

"I'm not screwing Peyton. We were just talking. Because no one's talking to me."

Nathan shook his head and started to walk away. "You know what, Luke? Maybe you don't deserve it. And maybe you don't deserve Brooke either."


	8. Chapter 8

Brooke groaned and rolled over, pushing her hair out of her mouth. She pulled her blanket higher up around her shoulders and cuddled into the shoulder next to her. She brushed away the messy blonde hair, so that her chin could rest comfortably onto the unfairly warm skin next to her.

"You know, Brooke, if you're going to be getting all frisky with me, I'm going to have to leave."

Brooke opened her eyes and laughed as Peyton rolled over too. Peyton smiled and held out her arm, letting Brooke come in closer.

"You slept really well," Peyton said, stroking Brooke's back. Brooke nodded.

"I missed this."

Peyton laughed. "Do you think we're ever going to get too old for it? Like... when will it become less adorable to wake up to you and more... disgusting old lesbians?"

"I'm rooting for never."

Peyton nodded and sighed. "So... ready for the deep stuff?"

"Mmm..." Brooke moaned, clenching her eyes tight.

"I think you and Lucas were doing the nasty, because you liked the idea of not caring. Because that's who you _used_ to be. And you thought you could pull it off. But then _new_ Brooke came in and ruined it for you, because she was thinking all rationally and following her head instead of her hormones. And Lucas let himself be retarded because of how hot you are."

Brooke raised her head off Peyton's arm and raised an eyebrow. "That's your deep stuff?"

"Yeah, why? Not impressed."

She shrugged. "Everyone's talking so much; I guess I'm used to it." She lowered her head again and wrapped her arm around Peyton's waist.

"Just be happy, okay, Brooke? That's all I really want for you."

"Me too."

Peyton bent her head over and kissed the top of Brooke's head. Brooke giggled.

"Okay, it just got weird."

Peyton laughed too. "Shut up." She hit her with the puffy bear lying at the top of Brooke's bed. The door opened, and Nathan and Haley came in.

"Well, well. What did I miss?" Haley laughed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Just the icky lesbian stuff. Now we're going to talk about our _feelings_." Brooke rolled her eyes but smiled.

"Cool. I'll see you later?" Haley spun on her heel and wrapped her arms around Nathan's neck. He nodded and bent down to lightly kiss her.

"Bye ladies."

"Bye Nathan."

He walked out, but turned back and stuck in his head. "Oh, Peyton, just wondering, but do you still have that web cam, because I know a few guys that would pay to see..."

"Nathan!" Haley shook her head, but mimicked his grin. "Bye."

He smiled again and closed the door. Haley crawled into the bed on Brooke's other side.

"So what are we listening to?"

Peyton pointed to a record cover on the desk. "Elvis Costello. You like?"

Haley nodded. "It's kind of sad, though."

"No. He loves her. She's running off with his best friend and some husband, and she's not really that smart, but he loves her anyway."

"Plus it's got a good beat," Brooke confirmed.

"Nathan!" Lucas yelled out loud enough for Nathan to take his earphones out. He caught up to Nathan's pace and wiped his forehead.

"How's your jaw?" Nathan asked.

"Still works."

"I'm kind of sorry about that. I didn't mean to assume stuff."

"No, it's cool. I haven't exactly been making the best decisions recently."

"So what do you want?"

"I can't just want to hang out?"

"I saw her this morning. She's looking real good."

"Well, I knew that."

"She wasn't crying either, which is new; but she was in bed with Peyton, so you can't really blame her."

"I didn't do anything with Peyton. We were just talking. I swear."

"Fine. Whatever, I didn't really think you were that stupid."

"So... what was it? I mean, I haven't seen you that mad since, like, two years ago?"

Nathan shrugged, increasing their speed a little. "I want you guys to be happy. Being with Peyton wouldn't do anything but make everything worse."

"But since when do you care so much about me and Brooke?"

"She helped me with Haley. She knew what I wanted and she fixed it. I figured I may as well try the same for her."

Lucas nodded as they slowed to catch their breath. "She's really a bit amazing."

Nathan put his hand on Lucas's back. "She is. So what's with all this that you're doing to her?"

"She did it to me."

"But she's sorry. And if she can forgive you for that stuff you pulled with Peyton, the least you can do is love her back."

Lucas shook his head. "I wanted to be in love with her so badly. All I wanted was to be with her, and to hold her, and to know that she wouldn't be thinking of anything else."

"And you think she was thinking of _Keller_ every time she was with you?"

"No. That was a mistake. But she obviously didn't want to be with me half as much as I wanted to be with her."

"And that's why she told you she loved you and let you do whatever you wanted to her. That's why she cries so goddamn much."

"It's easier to look back and see mistakes than it is to not make them anymore. And if I'm with her... well, if she could hurt me so badly before... I can't even imagine how bad it would be if I fell further in love with her, and she did it again."

"But why go back just to have sex with her? And if you say it was just because she was hot and willing, you seriously won't be able to breathe."

Lucas shrugged, starting up again. "It was nice to pretend. And when she kissed me back, I just... she's _so_ amazing."

"Why don't you tell _her_? You know she wants to talk to you."

"No, she doesn't."

"Why the hell not?"

"I was stupid. And it got...bad. I...I didn't really know where to stop."

"Oh right, where you told her you didn't love her, but then you fucked her anyway? Yeah, that was bad."

"I didn't... fuck her. I couldn't... and why do we have to call it that anyway? It just sounds so cheap."

"Dude, you '_made love_' to her on the floor of the locked room. And you're worried about cheap?"

"She told you about that?"

"Haley did."

"Shit. So I guess me and Haley are over too."

"Man, now you were having an affair with my _wife_ too?"

Lucas opened his mouth, but when he looked up Nathan was smiling. He choked on a laugh. "What can I say; I'm a bit of a whore."

Nathan bobbed his head, still with a slight smile on his lips. "You know, Luke, it's your life. But if you spend the whole time worrying about being hurt... that's not really a way to live."

Brooke giggled, wrapping her arms around her knees. Peyton took a step back and threw up her arms.

"Magnifique."

"Spin, baby, spin." Brooke laughed again, standing up and walking over to Haley. Haley rolled her eyes, but spun anyway, giggling too as she slowed.

"You know, Haley, you could be an amazing goth. So if the whole jock boy doesn't work for you, seriously. Go for..."

"A Satan worshipper," Brooke affirmed, wiping a tiny bit at the layers of eyeliner and mascara on Haley's eyes.

"All right, you guys, can I take this off now?" Haley twisted the corset around her slightly, making Brooke and Peyton erupt into giggles.

"Wait! Picture." Brooke grabbed the Polaroid camera off her bedside table and leaned backward. "Say fuck off."

Haley bent back her middle and ring fingers and stuck out her tongue, making Brooke laugh even harder as she clicked the button.

"Well, that was sexy." Peyton nodded.

"Tutor Girl! Let's do sexy tutor..." Brooke shrieked.

"You guys, I'm not a Barbie doll."

"You better get used to it, Haley." Peyton laughed, helping Haley unlace her corset. "Take it from someone who's been friends with her for a _long_ time."

"Why aren't you used to this, Hales?" Brooke asked, pulling out button downs from her closet. "Lucas not much into the kinky stuff?"

Peyton and Haley's faces lost the crinkles by their eyes, and Haley changed her smile. Brooke found a leather skirt and tossed it onto her bed. She looked up at their identical looks of sympathy.

"You guys are going to have to stop doing that eventually." She choked out a laugh, and turned back to her closet.

"Brooke..."

"Just because I say his _name_, doesn't mean I'm going to fall apart."

Brooke's phone rang across the room. She dropped the clothes and hangers in her hands and ignored the call.

"Brooke?" Haley asked, pulling her tee shirt back over her head.

"I'm over it. He's just... my ex from a few years ago."

"But Brooke, if you love him..." Peyton started.

"I don't. What's the point of loving someone who isn't going to love you back?"

"You can't help how you feel." Peyton touched her back, and Brooke quickly crossed her arms.

"Can we just sex up Tutor Girl over here?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"Where are your glasses, Haley?"

Haley groaned and picked them up off her bed.

"Here. Try... this one." Brooke handed her a white button down and wiped at Haley's eyes again. Haley took off her shirt and put the white one on instead. They got the last button as the doorbell rang. Haley rubbed at her makeup, but Brooke put her hand on her arm.

"Get the stuff off of her eyes," she directed towards Peyton as she walked to the door.

Brooke opened it and tilted her head. "Karen? What are you doing here?"

"Oh. Brooke, hi. I was just... well, I was wondering if you girls would have any idea where my son could be."

"Oh, um, I don't think so, but you can ask Haley." Brooke pulled in her lips and opened the door farther. "Come in."

"Thanks. I'm sorry if I'm interrupting anything."

"Oh no, it's nothing. Just some dress up."

"Oh, really..."

Brooke opened the bedroom door to see Peyton on her knees, adjusting the leather skirt around Haley's hips.

"Ms. Roe." Peyton's cheeks turned bright red. "This isn't what it looks like."

"Dress up, right?"

Haley laughed. "No, Karen, I was thinking about a new look."

Karen laughed too. "Whatever makes you happy, honey. I was just stopping by to find out if any of you know where Luke is."

Haley and Peyton's eyes turned to Brooke, who shook her head and downcast her eyes.

"No, sorry." Haley said.

Karen looked toward Brooke too. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"Yeah. Yeah, why?"

Karen looked toward Haley and Peyton. Brooke groaned. "I'm _fine_."

"Okay, sweetie. I just thought that, well, Lucas definitely isn't fine, so I just wanted to make sure you were better off than he is."

"Karen, thanks for caring, but I really am fine. Really fine." Brooke turned her head to Peyton and Haley.

Karen nodded. "Well, if you ever need to talk, you know, about anything, well, I think we can be friends. And I miss you living in my house."

"Yeah me too." Brooke smiled.

"Not that you need anymore friends other than these two girls."

Brooke nodded. "It's good to know, though. Thanks."

"Of course." Karen patted her arm. "All right, I'm going to go. It was nice to see you ladies."

"Yeah, you too."

Brooke watched her leave, her arms crossed.

"Brooke? You're still fine, right?" Haley asked.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Where were we?"


	9. Chapter 9

Brooke picked up her pen and looked at the piece of paper in front of her.

_Dear Lucas,_

It had been so much easier when she didn't see him and could fantasize about holding him and whispering words that would make him hers forever. Dream of riding off into the sunset together and then making love on the beach. Now this was real. This was honest; he might actually read the nearly blank paper in front of her. And suddenly, Brooke was at a loss for words.

Her phone rang on the table next to her, and she shut it off. She picked up her pen again, but put it down as the doorbell rang. She picked up her phone and stared at the blank screen, then fixed her hair and walked to the door.

"I'm sorry about the... What the hell are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, pretty lady."

"No. You can't... go away." She started to close the door, but Chris put out his hand and stopped her.

"Hey. I don't want to cause any problems. I just heard you were having some problems and maybe could use a friend."

"We're not friends. We were never friends. We were a mistake."

"You were always so sweet. I just thought we could hang out."

"Remember what happened the last time we were just going to hang out?"

He chuckled. "Well, sweetheart, you're pretty hard to forget, and..." He stopped the slamming door again. "_And_ I think we both know that was a mistake, and I'm sorry."

"I don't need your apology."

"We could just get a drink. We don't even have to talk. I can talk about something, anything to take your mind off of Lucas, and you can drink. Please, baby."

Brooke sighed and turned to look at her bedroom, Haley's bed visible through the open door. She turned back to Chris's pleading eyes and grabbed her coat.

"Don't call me baby."

Lucas heard a small knock and grunted entrance. Karen came in and hit his foot.

"Do not grunt at your mother."

"Sorry. What's up?"

"I'm going out for a bit. Dinner's on the counter if you want anything."

"I'm not hungry."

"You know, just because _you_ feel like crap, doesn't mean you have to try to make the rest of the world feel the same."

"Sorry. Can't really help it."

"You're not going to get any girl, let alone Brooke Davis, if you're going to sulk all day."

"Then I guess I'm going to be a hermit."

Karen sighed, shook her head, and left. Lucas picked up his phone and dialed quickly.

Haley balanced two huge bags against her chest and fumbled with the keys with her hands. Nathan laughed behind her.

"Can I give you a hand?"

"That'd be kind of nice."

He took the keys, leaving her struggling with the bags.

"What a man I have."

He laughed, opened the door and took the bags. They walked in and dropped the bags onto the counter.

"Brooke!" Haley called. "Food."

She found plates in the cupboard and put them on the counter too. "Brooke?"

Haley left to the bedroom, coming back with a confused look on her face. "She isn't here."

"I'm sure she's fine."

"I'm not sure she isn't with Lucas."

Nathan snorted. "I am."

Haley shrugged as she heard a buzzing from the bedroom. "Brooke must've left her phone on..."

"Sure. That's what it is."

"Nathan Scott, you better get your mind out of the gutter... They hung up." Haley held the phone in front of her as the doorbell rang. "There she is. Hang on!" She put down the plates and took out the aluminum containers. She handed them to Nathan and went to the door.

"Thank god, Brooke, where were you? Karen?"

"Hi, Haley. Is Brooke here?"

Haley opened the door farther. "No, but she should be back... sometime soon. Do you want something to..." She looked toward Nathan with his mouth already full. "Eat?"

He swallowed hard. "Oh, Ms. Roe, are you hungry?"

"Oh, no thank you. I'm sorry if I'm interrupting."

"Oh, no, please, Karen, stay."

"Well, just for a few minutes, or else could you please tell her I stopped by?"

"Of course."

Haley led Karen into the kitchen as the doorbell rang.

"Well, I guess you're pretty lucky." Haley smiled and went back to the door. She opened it and Lucas pushed in.

"Where is she?"

"Luke?"

He turned his gaze from the back bedroom to Karen.

"Mom? What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I have to talk to..." There was a slight fumbling with the doorknob and Haley led the three of them into the hall as Brooke pushed through the door.

"Thank god. Where were you?" Haley stepped forward, catching Brooke before she fell over the couch.

"Hi, Haley!"

Haley scrunched her nose and looked up. "What the _hell_?"

Chris stepped cautiously forward into the room. "Wow, you guys having a party without me or something?"

Lucas stepped forward, but Nathan stopped him, sighing. "Keller, why you are you still around here?"

"You said she was having a bad day, so I thought I'd get her out of here. I didn't know she was going to go all Guns N Roses."

"We just... drank," Brooke affirmed, stepping away from Haley, and almost falling again. Lucas, however, got away from Nathan and caught her before her head hit the floor. Brooke groaned and turned her face up to look at him, slightly confused.

"Lucas? What are _you_ doing here?"

"Yeah, Luke, this was a little unexpected." Haley turned her attention from Chris in the doorway.

He stared at Brooke, then sighed. "You weren't answering my calls. I just wanted to talk."

"Maybe I didn't want to hear what you had to say." Brooke pouted, stepping away from him.

"Brooke? He's been the one calling you all this time?"

"Last time you wanted to talk, it didn't end too good."

Lucas looked around at the whole room captivated in his reply and lowered his voice.

"Can we just talk about this alone?"

Brooke threw up her hands and walked back out of the house, pushed Chris inside, and closed the door once Lucas was outside with her.

"What if she... uh, doesn't remember this tomorrow?" Karen asked.

Haley shook her head. "Brooke's like a professional drunk."

Chris turned around to look at the figures behind the door, then back to the room. "So we're stuck in here until they finish, uh?"

Nathan sighed and left Haley. He threw Chris over one shoulder, carried him over to the bathroom, and closed the door.

Brooke walked down the steps to the lawn with her hands on her hips. Lucas followed her carefully, but moved away when she turned around.

"I thought you wanted to talk."

He stuck his hands in his back pockets and looked down at his shoes. "I..." He looked back up at her. "Why were you with him? After all of this?"

"Because he cared enough to talk to me."

"I've been trying to talk to you since we..."

"I told you. I didn't want to hear what you had to say. You talked enough," she said bitingly, and turned away from him.

"I kind of left you up in the air, and I just thought you should know why."

She looked back over her shoulder with a blank face. She didn't say anything, so he continued.

"I, well, I think you, you know that you mean something to me. And... that I was lying when I said you could be anyone. And it's not even that you're, you know, _good_, but..." He smiled exasperatedly. "You're you."

"Lucas, don't. You say such bullshit sometimes. Why say this now? Because if it's because you saw me with him again, and you're jealous or something, I..."

"You don't want to hear it, I know. I just... I don't want you to think... you should know the truth, you know? And if you're feeling like shit lately... well, don't. And I... I'm sorry." He nodded and started to walk away. Brooke turned around to watch him.

"So that's it?"

He turned at the sound of her voice. "What's it?"

"This. You're just going to leave."

"Well, you don't want to talk to me."

"But you're going to say your little speech of what you think I want to hear, and then you're going to leave, and then what? We don't talk? We're _friends_? You get your little hookup buddy back, what? We fall in love and it starts to rain and everyone aws in the windows? Lucas, this is real. And you have to think things through before you change them. What is it you thought would happen after you confessed that I'm me?"

"I just didn't want you to be upset for things that aren't your fault."

"Like what things?"

"This _whole_ thing. The sex stuff. It's my fault. I took advantage of you, and I'm sorry."

Brooke shifted her weight onto the other leg and forced a laugh. "Sorry, I'm not hearing this... is Lucas Scott taking the blame for something?"

"I take the blame fine."

"_Bull_shit." She laughed again, and Lucas gave her a small smile.

"Maybe I'm a little stubborn."

"Maybe your whole family is." Brooke was laughing harder, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth.

Lucas shrugged and laughed too.

Brooke dropped her smile and tilted for you. "Maybe it's kind of cute."

He stepped slightly forward and instinctively brushed the hair out of her face. "I'm sorry I let this go on so long."

Brooke caught her breath. "So, what now?"

"Now? We're..."

"Non exclusive?" Brooke bit back her smile.

Lucas shook his head. "No. That... didn't end up too well."

"But it began _very_ well."

"But then there was that middle stuff."

"Oh, right. That wasn't a lot of fun."

"No."

"What if we just... take it slow, and _don't_ see other people?"

"Or sleep with them."

She nodded. "Good deal."

"Good deal." He came forward, took her pinky with his, and kissed his hand. She kissed hers too, then kissed their fingers, then moved closer and kissed his lips. Lucas was slow on the uptake, but his arms unstiffened and slowly came down to her waist.

Their mouths broke as they both caught their breath.

"Why are you crying?" Lucas whispered.

"I'm not."

He held up his hand and licked the water drop on his hand. Another one fell into Brooke's hair, and she looked toward the house. The curtains moved back to their original place. She laughed.

"Oh god." Another drop fell on Brooke's neck.

"I do believe it's raining," Lucas murmured, pushing her hair out of her face. Brooke smiled and shook her head.

"So kiss me quick, Mr. Romance."

_I am so pissed, because I actually had this finished before the last chapter, but my computer decided to lose it, and I had to write the whole thing over again. Thank you so much for reading; this was really a great story to write, because I really enjoyed the characters, and I really enjoyed the story. And I'm really into One Tree Hill, and really, really into Brooke and Lucas right now, so keep your eyes open for more. You guys are some of the coolest reviewers I've had, so yeah. Thanks for that. Now to my midterms, so wish me luck._


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